Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
