I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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