I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
