I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
