thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
