She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
