I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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