i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Ketchup is God's man juice
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
be right there i have to get my cape
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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