I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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