I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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