So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Randomize
