Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
