She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
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She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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