You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
