I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
