you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
