at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
