Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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