toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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