fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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