I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
