i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
