We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
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