i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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