I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
