I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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