God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
