well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
