I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
well you can't waste a boner
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
