I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
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