Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
