wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
