Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
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Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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