Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
you had me at cake vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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