how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
