Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
