everyone is single if you try hard enough
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
