Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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