She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
