Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
