marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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