Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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