actually, I'm a sock model
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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