I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
