he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
