the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
