Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
My ass is underappreciated
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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