So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize