and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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