NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Randomize
