Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
