Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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