We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
