I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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