Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
