The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I didn't notice because vodka
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
pray to the hookup gods
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
