weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
We need to rekindle our bromance
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
