I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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