Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
