Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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