okay pat passed out under dana's car
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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