I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
