Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
