Plan B is the new Plan A
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
