I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
