I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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