im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
