she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
