how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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