Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
