This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
She just used a chaser for red wine.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
