Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
