New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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