she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
