So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We just shotgunned beers for America
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Drake has all the answers
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
