Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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