Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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