Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
