I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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